Archive for the 'Middle East' Category

Egypt Sung: Ballads For Troubadours

I know I want to sing
So I know I can.

—Kyp Malone

Why did I write two songs about Egypt? O Reader, I had plenty of time.

My Eid Goat

Christmas brings a great deal to television, in themes and movies and commercial bumpers. The Mohammedan festival of Id al-Adha is no different. The bumper, a 3D cartoon, begins with a nervous looking sheep. A butcher’s cleaver falls from off screen just next to the beast’s head, who then collapses on his side in an expanding pool of blood. This similarly themed song is set to the tune of that classic nursery school rhyme, My Highland Goat. The notes at the end of each line are for the kids singing along—it is, after all, a childrens’ song.

Oh my Eid goat (e-oat-e-oat-e-oat)
Was feeling fine (e-ine-e-ine-e-ine)
Until he saw (e-aw-e-aw-e-aw)
What’s on my mind (e-ind-e-ind-e-ind)

It’s time for Eid (e-eid-e-eid-e-eid)
The crowd grew nigh (e-eye-e-eye-e-eye)
Out in the street (e-eet-e-eet-e-eet)
That goat must die (e-eye-e-eye-e-eye)

They took my goat (e-oat-e-oat-e-oat)
And tied his feet (e-eet-e-eet-e-eet)
We were all ready (e-ady-e-ady-e-ady)
For some fresh meat (e-eat-e-eat-e-eat)

I took my knife (e-ife-e-ife-e-ife)
And slashed his throat (e-oat-e-oat-e-oat)
The blood did spill (e-ill-e-ill-e-ill)
Out of my goat (e-oat-e-oat-e-oat)

We cut him up (e-up-e-up-e-up)
With our chainsaw (e-aw-e-aw-e-aw)
And took the parts (e-arts-e-arts-e-arts)
And stacked them raw (e-aw-e-aw-e-aw)

We cooked him up (e-up-e-up-e-up)
On our hot grill (e-ill-e-ill-e-ill)
Now my poor goat (e-oat-e-oat-e-oat)
Just a smeared kill (e-ill-e-ill-e-ill)

Now I am full (e-ull-e-ull-e-ull)
But I do fear (e-ear-e-ear-e-ear)
I’ll need a goat (e-oat-e-oat-e-oat)
For Eid next year (e-ear-e-ear-e-ear)

The Bedbug Blues

Our beds for 18 days in Dahab were infested with bedbugs, those “small, elusive, and parasitic insects of the family Cimicidae” (Wikipedia) that rise hungrily as you fall to rest. We saw them scurrying on the walls and pillows and sheets around 2 a.m. Like roaches, the durable pests refused to be crushed or battered. Amelia had experience with the deadly snakes and spiders of Oz, and she decapitated the parasites with a small, sharp knife. Ah, dear Cimex lectularius, for all our lost sleep in those late hours of unexpected carnage, I wrote this song for thee on the train back from Aswan.

I’m trying to sleep,
They’re trying to eat.
I got some bedbugs
Between my sheets.

They come out at night,
I’m feeling them bite.
Leave a buffet line of welts
When I turn out the light.

I got the bedbug blues,
I got the bedbug blues,
Won’t sleep tonight,
I got the bedbug blues.

I feel little footsteps,
They creep down my spine.
I turn to my baby,
She’s out of her mind.

Hopping all over,
Tangled up in her hair.
Those nightly terrors,
Run back to their lair.

She’s got the bedbug blues,
She’s got the bedbug blues,
Won’t sleep tonight,
She’s got the bedbug blues.

I go to the manager,
We got an infestation.
He sends up the bellboy.
To fumigate our vacation.

Ten cans of Raid,
Well they aren’t enough.
They get us high,
But bedbugs are tough.

We got the bedbug blues,
We got the bedbug blues,
Won’t sleep tonight,
We got the bedbug blues.

I asked the Lord,
Have mercy, Lord please.
They’re drinking my blood,
Soon as sun’s down on me.

I’m trying to sleep,
They’re trying to eat.
We can’t get along,
I’m no piece of meat.

I got the bedbug blues,
I got the bedbug blues,
Won’t get no sleep tonight,
I got the bedbug blues.

Goodbye Amelia

So goodbye, so long, the road calls me dear,
And your tears cannot bind me anymore,
And farewell to the girl with the sun in her eyes—
Can I kiss you, and then I’ll be gone.

—Tom Waits, “Old Shoes”

I met Amelia at the House of Peace after returning from Hebron, and we caught a 6:30 bus to Haifa, a peninsular town on the coast north of Tel Aviv. While we waited at the train station for our CouchSurfing host, Amelia found a packet of Tim Tams, the Australian Oreo, two wafers around light cream and coated in chocolate. Once someone asked her what cuisine Australia produced, and the only things she could name were kangaroo steaks and Tim Tams. (Vegemite is a Kraft product that found a market in Oz when Americans turned it down.)

She reprimanded me for thinking to eat them with cold milk. The Australians follow the British in calling their cookies biscuits and in eating the treats with tea or coffee. Tim Tams go especially well with the latter: bite off a pair of opposite corners and you can suck coffee through the porous wafer, although this trick requires perfect timing, and anything less will melt the Tim Tam into a crumbling tragedy. Amelia was very excited about the cookies. She shared them with the security staff, the women at the convenience store, and with Shimry, our host, when he arrived.

Shimry apologized for the mess of his car, a beat up little Honda, but it had been so long since we drove in any private vehicle that neither of us cared. A tall Israeli with a shaved head, he did tech support in Tel Aviv, spent most of that time arguing on the Internet, studied physics and philosophy at Haifa University—“It doesn’t really attract the smartest students,” he told us—and enjoyed good beer, which is how I picked him out from the lists of CouchSurfing. He drove from the train station by the sea halfway up the hill that Haifa occupies to his apartment. His long-haired roommate, a big cat named Looloo, and two albino lab rats shared that dirty but spacious flat. He cleared some things away in the kitchen so he could make coffee and enjoy a Tim Tam in the proper way.

There was an American-style bar down by the city zoo that was a little pricier than the “sleazy” one we tried for initially, but Shimry assured us they had a huge menu of international beer. I sat there in indecision, staring at the dark Trappist brews from Belgium and the wheat beers from Germany and the British ales and remembering the names and tastes of the ones I’d tried in those lands where beer is an art. “Look at him,” said Amelia, “now he’s never going to leave this place.” Eventually I settled on a Taybeh dark, from Arabia’s only microbrewery, outside Ramallah, and fell into a conversation about beer and Oregon.

The next day we had our minds set on a picnic. We bought cheese, salami, a baguette, and a cheap Israeli red wine at a supermarket and walked with it under our arms straight up the hill, past the point where “it can’t be much further,” and the point where “we must have passed it by now,” and made it to “why didn’t we take the bus?” when we finally saw, at the peak of the hill, a building so strange it could only belong to a university campus. The meadows of Carmel Park ran along the curve of a ridge and looked down on a forested valley that ran all the way to the villas on the sea. There were a few cars parked there and two locals rode through on ATVs, but otherwise we were alone with a pair of grazing cows, which looked on Amelia’s affection for pulling bovine ears with a violent disdain.

We made sandwiches with the treasures we had bought, so different from everything we’d eaten in the past three months, and finished off the wine, and talked until the sun started to set. I made unsentimental Amelia wait to watch the disc’s final plummet—it would be the last Mediterranean sunset either of us would see for a long time. “It’s just another sea,” said Amelia, “you’ll see better ones in Asia.” “But this is a sea with so much history,” I argued, “and Odysseus was lost in it, and the Romans called it Our Sea,” and she laughed at my insanity. We went to a cafe for coffee and a hollow doughy roll that Amelia remembered having in Czech Republic on our way back to Shimry’s apartment, then bought beer and some things to make vegetable soup and had a good dinner.

There were a few other places to see in Israel—the baptism mecca of Tiberius on the Sea of Galilee; the last Crusader fortress at Acre; our friends’ kibbutz near the fence of Gaza; the Palestinian village of Bil’in, where the Wall separates the town from its olive groves, and the protesting inhabitants are teargassed every week on Friday—but O Jerusalem! we were tired of religion and suffering and Israel, and wanted to get out and move on to some new road. This of course took us back across the King Hussein Bridge, where we paid $40 for the right to leave the country, to Amman. It was the fourth time I’d come to that city, and Amelia’s fifth.

I had to get an Indian visa in the Jordanian capital, since in Israel the embassy outsourced the work to travel agencies that took two weeks to do it; and Amelia was plotting her trip north to Kurdistan, the northern region of Iraq where people are safe, the economy is stable, and George W. Bush is a messiah. Flights there from Amman cost nearly $1000, so she settled on meeting Jean in Damascus, who also wanted to go, and taking the trying overland route. Eventually, Jean would persuade her to visit Iran instead, and they would fly into Tehran and receive 15-day visas in the airport, where Americans must pay $100 a day and be on a guided tour; but these plans had yet to come to fruition, and we had four days in Amman.

We checked into Cliff Hotel and found ourselves in the same Room Number 2 where we stayed last time, which still smelled of felafel from Hashem’s. Neither of us could take that stuff, so we went to get schwarma and tea and shisha (or teasha) down the street, falling quickly into old habits. We watched TV in the hotel common room, around the oil-burning furnace.

The next day, a Thursday, I went early to the Indian Embassy by the First Circle on Jebel Amman to request my visa. I had to run around making photo copies and printing tickets and getting money, but eventually I received the promise of a three-month visa in a week’s time. I would fly to Mumbai on the 17th, in ten days. I brought breakfast back with me, banana muffins, and we took a cab out past the lists of Western restaurants, bearing such shockingly out of place names as Applebees, Fuddruckers, Popeye’s, Burger King, and TGIF, and emerged in the wide parking fields of two great shopping centers, the Mecca Mall and City Mall. When I had seen that horror New Moon in Cairo, Amelia promised she would see Avatar with me and was true to her word.

We bought pizzas and milk cartons at the City Mall’s Carrefour, and picked out a bag of sweets for the show; when we received our box-framed 3D glasses, it seemed in most respects like some primary school date. We took our seats in the fourth row center of the sold-out theater and played with our glasses.

The Arab audience talked quietly through the first part of the movie, but at the flying scene, where the protagonists made a spectacular dive on their pterodactyls, they started whistling and cheering. The floodgates loose, this exuberance continued during the PG sex scene. During Jake’s big speech against the foreign occupation and its imperialistic greed for resources, the fervor exploded. The audience found it impossible to turn quiet, and a few scattered members kept whistling while the rest shushed them noisily, and a ten-year-old boy in the front screamed, “Shut the fuck up!” All through the last battle they cheered every explosion, every kill, every climax of the rendered action.

An effete, erudite (I tend to confuse the two) critic might call Avatar a cliched, uninspired film. The obvious political overtones, referring to “shock and awe” and “preemptive strikes,” were not lost on the Jordanian audience. The characters and plot devices are drawn from stock archetypes, and it is, at its heart, another sci-fi flick about scientists on an alien world—but it has a steady beating heart, a tender love to the bulk of its expensive creation, that involves the audience easily and inextricably in its predictable arcs. Like most of James Cameron’s movies, Avatar excels in the art of its storytelling, the creative depth of the world, and the leaps and bounds of its technology. Amelia and I left smiling, and we stopped in a store on the way out so she could buy a pea coat to keep warm in the mountains.

The bakery across the alley from the Cliff Hotel had cinnamon rolls the next day. Discs of flatbread fired noisily down the metal chute from the ceiling into a bin in the corner as I bought some pastries for breakfast.

Amelia and I went to the Wild Cafe up on the hill to use the Internet, and we reminisced on things. At night, we drank the arak I gave her for Christmas, then went out for beers with some Belgians and a Brazilian. The next day, a Saturday, was her last day in Amman. I went with her to the pharmacy for more eye gel and to the bank to change shekels. We got coffee and reminisced some more, both full of gratitude for good company on the unsteady road, for the inside jokes, for the easy-going, for the trust and the kindness, and for being more than a stranger to at least one friend.

That night could have been any other night, as we had a big chicken dinner. I bought beers at the liquor store where we’d once yelled to our taxi driver, “Stop!” on Kate’s birthday, the night we started our company ten weeks before, but the world keeps turning. We talked sparsely, feeling the imminence of separation. “It’s a sad day when you have to set your alarm,” she said. The world keeps turning. In the morning I walked with her out to the corner to hail a cab that would take her north to the bus station for a shared taxi to the Syrian border. We shared an embrace and a sad goodbye, and then our partnership ended.

It was the first time I’d been alone since descending through the Cilician Gates into Syria, and I missed my constant companions sorely, especially Amelia. In the week that followed, I kept busy uploading a backlog of photos and writing, and I would hang out with Australian soldiers, a Norwegian named Erasmus, a girl from Utah named Hannah who knew Santiago and had met Jean on his trip back to Syria, and a Nipponjin named Takato on his way to Yemen—“But Al-Qaeda is there, and they closed all the embassies. Isn’t it dangerous?” Amelia had asked him when we first met in the Peace House. “No,” said Takato, “don’t worry, they released him last week.” “What?” “The Japanese man they kidnapped. They released him. He was only in jail for a month.” But I still felt isolated, very far from home, and very glad and grateful to have the memories of the last three months.

Amelia, I thank you. India is next.

The Road to Peace

They fill the children full of hate
To fight an old man’s war
And die upon the road to peace.

—Tom Waits

Our bus returned Amelia and I from Bethlehem to the Damascus Gate, and under the setting sun we walked back up the Mount of Olives, through the crowded rows of the Jewish cemeteries. The Mount is prime real estate for the dead—the buried there end at the front of the line when the Last Judgment comes around.

Tuesday we tried to enter the Temple Mount, that holiest site of Abraham’s test and Mohammed’s ascension where one prayer is worth ten thousand, but the guards shut the gate in our faces. Only a certain number of non-Muslims could enter during the two daily windows the Mount opens to tourists, and we were two too many. Dismayed, we went up through the Old City, the streets full of Nigerian pilgrims, Zionist American tour groups with their hired riflemen, girls with unloaded guns slung over their backs huddled around some map as part of their army training. All Israel’s women serve two years in the army, and men have three, except the Orthodox Jews paid by the government to study the Torah.

After locating with some difficulty the rock-covered grave of Oskar Schindler, we walked northwest of the Old City to visit the Jewish Orthodox neighborhood there, Mea Shaarim. The inhabitants live and dress as their forebears did in nineteenth century Europe, locked in a simpler era by that peculiar regressive fancy that strikes every human faith in some way.

They wear the black clothes that the medieval Church demanded they wear, with tzitzi tassels hanging out the men’s jackets. Some wear the teffilin, a black box strapped to their forehead and black straps on their wrists. Most men have a hat: at least a kippa or fedora, and often the cylindrical Slavic fur hats, the shtreimelspodik, and kolpik, of the Hasidic Jews. Beards and sideburns and sidelocks were common. The streets were bare of life and decoration as a ghetto. Stores sold simple, often handcrafted things, used books, and antique furniture, and, I noticed, the mattress stores carry no size larger than a twin.

The “residents faithful to the tradition of divine command” had posted the following sign: “To women and girls who pass through our neighborhood, we beg you with all our hearts, please do not pass through our neighborhood inimmodest clothing. (Modest clothes include: closed blouse with long sleeves, long skirt, no trousers, no tight-fitting clothes.) Please do not disturb the sanctity of our neighborhood and our way of life as Jews committed to G-d and his Torah.” Another stated: “Groups passing through severely offends the residents. Please, stop this.”

Ibrahim served a big dinner that night and gave us a talk about paying the bills, so we were sure to donate before we left the next morning. It was a crazed place, Jerusalem, and we were tired of the politics of faith, and ready to go somewhere secular and get a drink.

Tel Aviv called to us as the place to welcome the New Year. If Jerusalem was the locus of Israel’s religion, then Tel Aviv was the bastion of her Western liberalism. The glass coffins of offices and apartments lined the sunny beach like diamonds, and you could find people swimming in the sea and drinking at bars and washing clothes at the laundromat at all hours of the day. It seemed in its modernity infinitely far from the squalor and politics of Cairo and Hebron and Beirut and all the rest of the region. Though young, educated activists take to the streets in protest against their government’s treatment of the Palestinian problem, the Telavivans never leave their vibrant city to show support where it really matters.

Amelia and I were CouchSurfing for the first time in Tel Aviv. By that wonderful Web site, travelers meet locals who offer the hospitality of extra beds or vacant couches, and of a local perspective, a free guide. In some places, like South America and most of the Middle East, CouchSurfing can be difficult as the young people to whom it appeals live with their parents, but in Israel hosts were common (and I hear that Indians will invite their guests to stay for a week or two).

We took a bus up to the University and asked directions to find Ehud’s apartment building, and our host welcomed us inside. Ehud, a physics student, lived in a clean, well-decorated flat with leather couches and modern art in what used to be the wealthiest area of Tel Aviv, but took credit for none of the room’s taste. “It’s all my roommate,” he said. “I let her do everything. I’m useless at it.” He was in the middle of cooking an onion soup for her and had only a little time with us before he had to go to work, but that was enough to display his generous hospitality.

Ehud served us leftovers and then started mixing drinks, White Russians—“I used to be a bartender”—and some fruity liqueur as soon as a glass was empty. I asked about Israeli beer, and he brought out a Goldstar dark lager without a thought. His apartment stocked more booze than food. A week before, he and his roommate, Alinna, drove up to a small Orthodox town to buy food. Because every family there has at least eight kids (if you have eight children in Israel it nets extra benefits from the government), grocery prices are much lower. They came back with a trunk full of Goldstar and Absolut. Both Ehud and Alinna had that Russian biology common in Israel, where one in five speak the language.

“Jon,” said Ehud, “you studied history and seem like a philosophical kind of guy, so I have a philosophical question for you. What are you drinking?” He stirred another White Russian, then continued: “So, I don’t know if you’re religious, but religions say that God has a plan for everyone, that everyone has a fate. Everything you do is planned. It’s all destiny. You can’t escape it. There’s no, how do you say—yes, right, there’s no free will.

“In quantum mechanics, though,” and he waved at the big red physics book on its leather chair, “you see that at the most basic level, within particles, you can tell where an electron is, or you can tell how fast it’s going, but not both. Even with the most advanced computer in the world, even with a computer that nobody can make yet, you couldn’t tell. It’s random. There are tiny variations that nobody can predict. So I’m reading about this, and it just makes me question everything.”

We kept talking, applying Chaos Theory and the lawlessness of history to the mundane existence of a human, and listening to Balkan Beatbox, until Ehud’s friend Cho-Cho arrived, fresh returned from a tour of duty. Curious, we asked them about military service in Israel, where at 18-years-old all men serve three years and women two. Israel had consigned Ehud to an armored division where, after his eight months of busy training, his keen intellect languished with nothing to do. For every young Israeli conscripted to a job examining satellite photos of Gaza or working in a hospital or learning a martial trade, there are ten who sit idly at a dead border or deal with Palestinians going in and out of the Wall. No wonder so many Israelis travel for months after their release from such a purgatory of duty!

“It’s not dangerous,” said Ehud, “and it’s not useful. It’s just like any other thing. If you study hard in university, you have the same amount of discipline that you would if you took apart and scrubbed your rifle every day and marched around.”

Ehud finally escaped his mandatory service ahead of schedule via the neat trick of a mental breakdown. When Alinna came home from work, she told us that her two years were wasted time, that she started college two years later than she would have in any other country. We talked until Ehud had to go to work. Then we sat there watching TV with Cho-Cho and Alinna and eventually went to bed on the mattress they’d laid out behind the couch. In the morning when we were up, Ehud made omelets in his underwear, blaring Tchaikovsky’s 1812.

Ehud worked at a hotel down by the beach, a sleazy by-the-hour place where he could study physics behind the reception desk. His most common clients were East European prostitutes and Hasidic Jews—“Because they’re not getting anything good at home,” said Ehud. The prostitutes left him a small tip each time they came through, and the Hasidic Jews avoided his eyes.

We met him there in the early evening after exploring downtown Tel Aviv and having a beer at the mahogany and gold Brewhouse on Rothschild. Our CouchSurfing host poured us coffee from a thermos and then went to deal with something while we sat in the lounge next to an old woman from Ontario named Karen. Tel Aviv is nice, Amelia said, “but expensive. “Yes it’s expensive,” said Karen. “Don’t think we’re licking honey in Canada. I don’t want to tell you what we’re licking.”

There was a Californian named Mark working there as a handyman, who had first come to Israel as a professional soldier. He was heavyset and had a shaved head and an East Coast accent. Once he and his friends had packed up all their gear and ATVs in the trailer when a call came to each in turn: “Be on base in six hours.” They returned from Gaza City a week later to find everything gone.

“Where was your wife?” asked Karen.

“Come on,” said Mark. “I told you a dozen times. We’re not married.”—“What do you mean you’re not married? She bore two of your children.”—“Well we’re not married.”—“You should marry the girl. Isn’t she good enough?”—“She says I don’t make enough money. I make 200,000 shekels a year and she says it’s not enough. I give her a house, a car, groceries. She doesn’t have to work. Isn’t that enough?”—“Do you understand this?” asked Karen of Amelia and I. We shrugged.

Mark said, “You want to see pictures of my gun?” and I said, “Yes, definitely.” He showed us a photo of his M4 on his cell phone and told us about the armor piercing bullets and all that, then showed us a video of his Gaza team. “That guy’s always sleeping,” he said. “We stop for five minutes and he falls asleep. See, he’s sleeping here. We call that guy the Student, since he’s always studying. That guy has to wear a map on his back when we walk around. It really sucks. Oh, check this out.” He had a video taken by an undercover friend of his, of a Gazan lying on a stairway in the dusty street. Miliants would run up to the him and spray bullets from their Kalishnakovs, so the body jerked around and splattered. “He sold secrets to the Israelis,” said Mark, matter-of-factly.

We excused ourselves, said goodbye to Ehud, who was working all night, and went down the street to Momo’s Hostel. Our friend Rob of Perth, who we met at Ismaelia House in Cairo, was staying there, and we arranged to meet him later in Florentin before going to Mike’s Place for nachos and a pitcher of beer. Mike’s was an American bar right next to the Embassy, famous for being bombed in 2003, that served American fare with the atmosphere of a place just off the Interstate. The only Israelis who went there were after foreign girls.

Mollified, we retrieved Rob from his hostel and took a bus down to Florentin, picking up a few bottles of beer on the way. Denniz’s friend Rachel lived in the neighborhood and had told us that on New Years Eve the main street became a party, blockaded to traffic and filled with young revelers. The three of us pushed through them until we came to a corner under a streetlamp and met two Texans that Rob knew. I never got their names, but one was a large blonde girl with a tremendous affection for Black culture and the other looked like a Giovanni Ribisi action figure.

Florentin had no official countdown, so when Amelia’s watch said the time was right and the decade was about to change, we started shouting seconds alone. Our enthusiasm dissipated when nobody joined us. A dozen groups spontaneously did the same over the next few minutes. Eventually we decided it must be New Years and we could celebrate. We stayed a while longer until the lack of music got to us, and then we got on a bus back up the strip. The Texans started singing old 2Pac and Biggie songs, and they fell in love with Rob when they learned that the Australian knew all the verses.

We went back to Mike’s Place for beers. The band had stopped playing and their equipment littered the stage, and we sat on benches around a wood table and watched people. The Texans were confused about why Amelia and I were in Israel and why we had been traveling for so long. “So,” they said, “you just go to a place and look around for a few days, and then go somewhere else?” Yes, we said, enjoying their incredulity.

A drunk Hindu businessman from Bangalore named Gururaj started talking to us, and he invited me to call him when I come to that part of the world. His more sober friend was ready to leave and tugged Gururaj away. “Don’t let him do that!” cried the Texan girl. “If you don’t wanna leave, you stay. Just say this to him: ‘I will cut you,’”—she emphasized that cut with an extending drawl,—“Come on! ‘I will cut you!’ That’s what we say in Texas when we mean business.”

Our bill when we asked for it included a lot of extra charges labeled “Quality Discount,” and even inebriated we could tell they weren’t discounts at all. “What are these?” I asked the waitress. She went and got the manager, an porky American, who with an aggravated, overbearing friendliness asked us, “Hey, is there anything I can do to help you?”

“What’s this Quality Discount?” I wondered. “Well,” said the man, “here at Mike’s Place, we have a policy of not charging anyone cover, so y’all got in here free tunight. The quality charge is something we charge after ten, since there’s no cover. There are signs up everywhere.” “We didn’t know that. We didn’t see any signs.” The manager got very defensive, and I issued some platitudes about how much we respected his institution and its policies while assuring him that we wouldn’t pay the charge. “Oh, you’re not paying. You’re one of those guys,” said the man. “Well okay, fine buddy, great way to start out the new year. Well let me tell you something, karma always comes around. Enjoy your fourteen shekels. And don’t come back.”

We walked the few blocks back to Momo’s Hostel, complaining all the way, though I felt eerily heroic. Rob and the Texans went to bed, and Amelia and I started hailing cabs. It was so late that all the cabbies tried to charge us an exorbitant fee, until Amelia declared, “Let’s just walk back. I walk back home all the time in Melbourne. Sometimes for miles.” Instead of doing that, we got on a microbus headed most of the way to the University. Amelia said as we sat there, “Doesn’t it seem like there’s something off about this city? I don’t know what it is. I can’t put my finger on it. It’s like a Western city, but something’s off.”

We tried to figure out what it was the next day. Tel Aviv is surely a bubble, a fresh, sterile, secular Western metropolis in the middle of an ancient, noisy, faithful East, and it seems unaware of its isolation—not arrogant, just blind. More than that, the population of Tel Aviv, compared to the other cities of the Levant, with their Arabs and Coptics and Nubians and Druze, and compared to the cities back home, was homogenous. Nearly everyone was Jewish and speaks Hebrew and English or Hebrew and Russian. They came with few exceptions from Russia and America and pockets of Europe.

(The most fascinating exception is the community found in Ethiopia, practicing a fundamental form of Judaism. Nobody knew where they came from, but the Israelis pulled them into airplanes, shipped them into Israel, and started teaching them Hebrew. ”I didn’t know what was going on,” anyone will tell you. “All of a sudden, there were black people.”)

New Years Day we took a break and went to a theater in the mall to see Where the Wild Things Are, and I gorged myself at the pre-Shabbat cafeteria on the thick, rich Slavic food you can find in Israel. The day after we picked out more of Israel’s strange traits, as I walked down the beach to Jaffa and Amelia tried to shop on the Shabbat. Along the grass promenade that ran along the sand were picnickers and cyclists and women in skirts and groomed dogs on leashes, and I was not being oggled as a remarkable aberration, a stranger in a strange land, an Other. “He was one of us,” as Conrad says, and no one treated me any different.

Old Jaffa, the Port of Jerusalem, where Jonah boarded a ship to Tarshish and where Christian pilgrims disembarked on their way to sites of pilgrimage, is a museum piece. I wandered through the quiet old town and had a grilled cheese sandwich at Said Abuelafia & Sons, since 1879. You can find many distinct foods in Israel, such as schnitzel sandwiches and salami and the largest concentration of sushi restaurants outside Japan.

That night we took a bus back to Jerusalem, though we had to wait until the Shabbat ended at six. We returned to the Peace House and got beds in the back room, and the next day the Temple Mount turned us away again. We went to the Israel Museum, to see the vast model of King Herod’s Jerusalem, the Second Temple prominent, and the Shrine of the Book where the Dead Sea Scrolls are maintained in worshipful solemnity.

As our contribution to Ibrahim’s Peace House, we made a soup with what we could find and what we were hungering for: Spinach, cauliflower, onions, and a lot of garlic, with potatoes and yams mashed into a paste to give more body to the tomato sauce broth. Ibrahim asks for donations to keep the place running, and those who can’t afford it help in other ways, by doing laundry or cooking for people. A group of German backpackers had shown up, asked Ibrahim to pay for their cab fee, and then stayed for a few days, eating their fill at dinner. “We’re pretty good at telling who will and who won’t donate,” said Irene. “They won’t.”

A good Muslim, Ibrahim never kicks anyone out from his house, although in their self-righteous bickering his lodgers often ask him to. Only once has he broken the Mohammedan principle of hospitality. An American man and wife had come to Jerusalem with their dog from some devout recess of the country, where a preacher told them, “God has spoken, and He wants you to stay at Ibrahim’s house.” The wife was pregnant, and Ibrahim gave them his own room and bed and took the woman to the hospital when the time came. On the roof at the same time, their dog gave birth to nine puppies, which ran around the Peace House making a mess of things.

A month passed and Ibrahim’s birthday came. He was holding a big party, and he asked the pilgrims, “Would you be able to move out of my room before then?” “No!” said the pilgrims, “God told us to come here, and we won’t leave until He says. If you want a place to stay, go to a hotel. Our Lord will get you a room.” Well, Ibrahim asked them to leave again and again, and finally a squad of Israeli police showed up.

“Ibrahim,” said the officer, “do you have Americans in there? They called and said you were trying to kick them out.” Ibrahim told the police what had happened, that it was his own bed he wanted the Americans to leave. The officer went to the pilgrims and said, “You have to leave.” “You’ll be punished,” said the pilgrims, “if you do this. God told us to come here, and we won’t leave until He says.” The officer replied, humorlessly, “Well then you call your God and tell Him to send down a fax in the next five minutes.”

While this was happening, the police found that the Americans had overstayed their three week visa by three months, and so God never had to fax the Israeli police.

I spent the next day apart from Amelia in Hebron. I had heard horrible stories of the city, one of the flashpoints for hostility between Israel and occupied Palestine, with one of the region’s saddest stories. In 1929 there was a massacre. Palestinian riots carried off nearly 50 of the Jews who still lived in that sacred city, the Canaanite city where Abraham was buried, though good Palestinian neighbors sheltered and saved the lives of hundreds more. The Jews left Hebron, and it became Egyptian and then Jordanian, until the Six-Day War. Victorious Israel sent 500 settlers to the West Bank of the Jordan to live in the ancient city, in the middle of 160,000 Palestinians, who call the place Khalil.

I arrived outside the souq with Catherine and Katerina, from Germany and Austria, who I met on the bus. They were volunteering at the Austrian Hospice in Jerusalem and told me some things about the city.

The streets were full of Israeli soldiers and melancholic Arabs. Nets covered the souq like an aviary, to catch the trash thrown from the rooftops of the adjacent Settlement, a neighborhood on a hill closed off by a wall of sealed buildings and barbed wire and gated roadblocks, and there were watchtowers and sniper nests and spotters on all the rooftops. Israeli boys come out under military escort to slap Arabs and insult them. The Settler families are notorious in their zealotry and seem intent on removing the Palestinians from their Promised Land through antagonism and cruelty—turn them into refugees; let Jordan and Lebanon deal with their camps.

The Teutons and I left the souq for a great plaza surrounding the two shrines built over the Ma’arat HaMachpela—the Cave of the Patriarchs. The Ibrahimi Mosque and the Sanctuary of Abraham synagogue were once connected by the octagonal chamber around Abraham’s tomb, but now the heavy doors and walls and the bulletproof glass installed in the space between the two temples prevent any contact. The place is segregated by religion—no Jews in the mosques, no Muslims in the synagogue—for the safety of both. Fifteen years ago, a Jewish settler entered the mosque and killed 29 Palestinians at prayer.

When the Teutons left, I stayed to talk to people—to the Observers who watched the courtyards with cameras and notepads, who have been dispatched there by the six neutral countries participating since the massacre; to a man whose shop was closed and sealed since it was on a street adjacent to the Settlement, who is now unemployed. I asked, “When will the Israelis leave?” “Never,” he said. The Observers are in Hebron until they do. “The Israelis are supposed to leave?” “Yes,” said one, “it is in the Hebron Agreement that Israel will turn over control of the city to Palestine.” “Have they?” “No.”

I wandered the town alone, bought lunch at a kebab place and a kefiyeh in the souq, and set off for the return journey. On the bus back to Jerusalem, I sat next to an unknown girl, as terrifying a prospect in the Islamic World as it would be to an adolescent boy back home. The gentleman fears to look at, much less brush against or talk with those sensibly scarved Muslim maidens, flipping delicately through pocket-sized Qur’ans.

The bus re-entered Israel through the fortress gates of the Wall in Bethlehem, its sheer ten meters covered in as much political graffiti as the Wall of Berlin. There, next to a huge tower, I saw the sign that Denniz had painted there and shown us in a photograph: red letters on a white rectangle, a quotation by Kurt Tucholsky that also hangs in the entrance of the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem: “A country is not just what it does, it is also what it tolerates.”

The City of a Thousand Hopes

Jerusalem was a squalid town, which every Semitic religion had made holy. Christians and Mohammedans came there on pilgrimage to the shrines of its past, and some Jews looked to it for the political future of their race. These united forces of the past and the future were so strong that the city almost failed to have a present. Its people, with rare exceptions, were characterless as hotel servants, living on the crowd of visitors passing through.
—Lawrence of Arabia

On Christmas Eve, as our taxi drove to the bridge across the River Jordan, we passed a convoy of fifty pick-ups, vans, ambulances, and tractor trailer trucks. They bore the flags of Palestine and Turkey, were filled with waving men and desperate supplies, and honked in return to welcoming Jordanians. The murals called them a “Lifeline to Gaza.”

The obese Palestinian man sitting next to us in the taxi said they were sent by George Galloway, an Englishman. They would drive to that Red Sea corner where Jordan, Israel, and Egypt meet at Aqaba, Elat, and Taba, and then cross Sinai to the Gaza Strip, and cross the sealed border at midnight on New Years. Several thousand volunteers planned to walk across the same border at the same time, bearing school supplies. They would celebrate with milkshakes instead of booze.

It was a complicated situation! The Gazans had nothing but what Israel would allow them, and that little was not enough. Egypt had buried an iron curtain along their border to stop the tunnel diggers. Humanitarians were putting themselves at the prows of boats, Titanic lovers in supply ships, and steering their craft at the blockaded shore. The zealots of Israel that had marched through the territory waited for trials that might never come.

What can I say, about this or any other facet of the Road to Peace, but what people tell me? The man seated next to us had gone to Jordan to visit his mother, who could never visit Palestine. He hoped he would be allowed back into his own country. We had our own hopes: Our visit to Syria, and the accompanying stamp in our passport, made us immediately suspect in the overtaxed eyes of Israel’s border guards.

Now, due to political happenstance and war, a Syrian stamp raises red flags at the Israeli border, but won’t exclude you from that country, so long as you say the right thing. You’re just there as a tourist, and have no intention of visiting the West Bank. Say the wrong thing—like the man who, when asked about his visit to Iran, said, “It’s a nice place, you should go there”—and the stone-faced Semitic Cerberus will slam a big black mark in your passport that bans you from the Nation of Israel for ten years.

Of the countries that do not recognize Israel’s rite to exist, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, and Libya take the added measure of refusing entrance to any traveler with an Israeli stamp in their passport, or with an Egyptian exit stamp from the Israeli border. Israel will stamp a piece of paper if you ask, although they’ll ask you why and accept only a very good answer; but those hostile nations of the Axis of Evil look for gaps in your passport dates, where you may have slipped unstamped into the territory of the Jew, and they look for the detritus of the sticker that the Israelis put on your passport at the border.

Only at the King Hussein Bridge can a traveler escape this black mark. There, the Jordanians and Israelis stamp a piece of paper, and it looks, to any intervening eye, as if you had been in the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan that entire time. First, though, you have to wait in line for a long time, and then you have to ask them, “Can you stamp a piece of paper?” and endure their shouted questions, “Why? Why? Why?”

They berated the couple ahead of us for asking and sent off a bearded Palestinian man to wait for special attention. I asked him how he was when filling out some form. “I’m fine,” said the man. “Nothing more than normal. I was watching you, though. You should be careful about what you say. And that kefiyeh you are wearing is the Palestinian colors. You should take that off.”

I did what he said, then and in the interview I had with a young Israeli woman. I told her I was going to Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, to see touristy things and party, and that I had no interest in West Bank. “I’ve seen Syria and Jordan and Egypt,” I said, “so I’m not really interested.” “Can you even get in the West Bank?” asked Amelia in her independent interview. She said she wanted to go shopping in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, and the Israeli lit up and wrote down the names of choice shopping malls.

By the time we got out of there, it was five in the afternoon and dark, and although we hoped to get to Bethlehem, we had nowhere to stay, only the tenuous offers to assist of some CouchSurfers already hosting full groups of pilgrims. We sat on a bench considering this, and an old man in a red checkered kefiyeh approached us. “Hi, where you go?” “The bus station,” I replied tersely, tired, and wary of trouble after pledging to avoid the Palestinian West Bank where Bethlehem lay.

He was also on the bus to Jerusalem, that short man with a sparse beard and a weak chin, approaching sixty but still animated by work and family and an inexplicable energy. He said his grandfather lived to be 140 with 75 grandchildren, and he showed us an interview in the 1959 National Geographic to prove it. “Everyone says, I don’t believe it,” said the man. In his half-senile, digressive way, he told us stories of talking with Prime Ministers and dignitaries and cult leaders, most recently with the same George Galloway who had organized the Lifeline to Gaza convoy, and he had visited Portland and Melbourne. He did not even have a passport, just a sort of international card. “I am not a citizen of any nation,” Ibrahim proudly declared.

I first mistook Ibrahim Ahmad Abu El-Hawa for the Wandering Jew, but he was a Bedouin Arab, though his family originated from the Turkish Black Sea. The international advocate of peace in the Holy Land invited us home to stay with him, and we said, Of course. We got out of the bus at the Herod Gate of Jerusalem and got into his son’s taxi, that took us up around the walled city to the Mount of Olives where he lived, just uphill from the Garden of Gethsemane and down the street from where Jesus ascended, in a big five story fortress he designed himself. Ibrahim had four sons and four daughters and 28 grandchildren—“Wait, one was born before I left. Twenty nine!”

Two of these families and 23 of these grandchildren lived in the house with him. We sat in the family room with Ibrahim and his wife, who he called his honey, and his wife’s deaf-mute sister, who howled intermittently, and the young children piled through to see their laughing grandfather. One girl started crying, and she clung to the old man’s presence like a shy kitten as he showed us through the rooms of his house, surprised at the new kitchen, and onto the balcony that looked out over the Bethany Gate in the Wall that wound across the hills about Jerusalem. The City of Peace is not on the flat arid plain where it commonly appears in Hollywood, but clasped within a circle of steep and verdant hills.

“My cousins live there,” said Ibrahim, pointing across the Wall. “There is Palestine, here is Israel, and there is Jerusalem. Three states, all right here. And everyone who lives here,”—he waved at his fortress and his neighborhood,—“is Muslim. No Jews live here. None at all. And everyone there,”—he pointed toward the other side of the Wall,—“is Muslim, too, but that is Palestine, and they cannot come here.”

Ibrahim dismissed the iniquity with a joke and a wave and led us downstairs to a deep open court between his house and the rock of the hill. His grandchildren rushed about, excited by the observance of strangers, and one of his daughters rushed inside to get a headscarf. We talked to a few people, at chicken and salad and bread and Coke, and then Ibrahim and his son Mohammed drove us off to the Peace House.

“There is room for twenty people,” said the old man. “I do not even know who is staying there. I don’t know how I know them! I will have to ask, How do I know you?”

In the crowded kitchen of the three-story house, he posed that question to a group of Ecuadorians visiting from a kibbutz near Gaza, where they plucked defected Hamas rockets out of the sown fields, and to a few other lodgers who had found the place by accident or recommendation. He sat us down around the table and a Maori woman named Irene served us all rice with vegetables and corn beef, and a chocolate cake for Ibrahim’s 68th birthday.

One Californian woman on one of many visits. Mohammed had seen her in the airport looking lost. “I was supposed to pick someone up,” he said, “but his plane was cancel,” and he told her about his father’s open house and offered to take her there. “I don’t trust you,” said the woman, “but I trust God. Lead on!” Her trust was not misplaced, as it turned out. She was there with the Israeli husband, a hairy bucktoothed fellow, whom she had met in that same house and their newborn daughter. It was a very strange company, and a very strange Christmas Eve.

In Bethlehem, 15,000 pilgrims crowded about Manger Square and lined up to enter the Basilica of the Nativity through the low Door of Humility, and within that chapel a Franciscan midnight mass broadcast itself all across the world.

On Christmas morning, Amelia said, “Presents?” We had each received money from family and notes from friends, but real presents are different. I gave Amelia the book and bottle of arak I’d bought her, having gifted her the wool socks a few days preemptively. She had told me that the present she bought me was weighing down her bag—“Doesn’t it look bigger?”—but that it was something I would surely use while traveling, and so I was surprised when she put a slim leather wallet in my hand, to replace the duct taped Oyster card wallet I’d been carrying since I first stepped into the London Underground eleven months before.

We left the Peace House that morning with two other lodgers, both about my age—Josh, an Iranian Jew and Los Angelene come to the Holy Land to learn the craft of wine-making from its Israeli vintners who have in recent years outgrown the sweet stigma of manischewitz; and Janina, a golden-haired German girl in a yellow Indian scarf with a red right hand, who volunteered on the same kibbutz near Gaza as the Ecuadorians, but needed a break from her constant companions—and took a bus to the Damascus Gate.

Old Jerusalem has seven gates: Damascus, Herod’s, Lion’s, Dung, Zion, Jaffa, and the New Gate. The eighth, the Golden Gate, was sealed in the sixteenth century—according to prophecy, God will come through that door at the End of the World, so the worldly Jews blocked the door to keep out the Rapture. The Damascus Gate leads into the largest of the Holy City’s four quarters, that of the Mohammedans, though those busy markets were not as crowded as on most days. Friday is the Muslim holy day, though this has little bearing on business in Jerusalem; Saturday is the Jewish Shabbat, and they shut down most everything in its observance; and Sunday is the Christian day of rest, so no beer is available. Thank God for the differences in His religions, that these don’t all come at once!

At the Jaffa Gate, past the yellow ranks of a Falun Gong protest, we saw a sign for the Free Tour company that offered a free guide for gratis at the end of the trip. Our diminutive guide walked us up to a rooftop at the center of the four districts, and under the window of Samuel Yosef Agnon, who wrote, “Jerusalem is connected by its rooftops and divided by its inhabitants,” we looked out over the calm strata above the crowded streets. The Muslim Quarter was a vast covered souq surrounding the Temple Mount; the quiet and posh Jewish Quarter showed signs of its recent renovations; the Christian Quarter was a skyline of steeples and towers and domes and crosses; and we had walked through the empty stone streets of the Armenian Quarter to get there.

Jokes and history ensued; we saw a street where Life of Brian was filmed, a new synagogue, and the Wailing Wall. The Jews lined up to pray against it, and they stuffed it full of their notes, and would not turn their back on it when they walked away. Obama had put a note in the wall on a visit of state, and it appeared in the paper the next day. Above on the Temple Mount stood the supreme golden dome of the Temple of the Rock, over the stone where Abraham would have sacrificed Isaac and the spot from where the Prophet ascended. A prayer there, properly performed, was worth ten thousand normal ones; a prayer in Mecca is worth a hundred thousand. To prevent violence, non-Muslims were not permitted inside the mosque.

One Rabbi came up to me while I stood ruminating over the and led me over to the last of the Second Temple wall. He kissed it and had me do the same, and then prayed for me: “Married? Then I bless your luck with ladies, your family, your business, your America.” He gave three Amens, three Hallelujahs, and three more Amens, then asked for a donation from this simple traveler. I thanked the Rabbi and wrote out a note to place in that sacred rampart. Every three months at 2 a.m. cleaners come around with a giant vacuum and empty the crevices. Until then, may God grant me my wish!

Our tour ended where it had started, and we four turned back to see in greater detail the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. It is a Byzantine church, sacred to the multitudes of Christian faiths, and strange in its devotions, and beautiful in its complex blend of designs; indeterminate and irresolute, like a candle’s flickering flame, and yet seemingly eternal in its heights and paintings and rich themes.

There is the stone where Christ was anointed, and there is the cave where Adam was buried, and there are the nails from the Cross, and there is where the Cross stood, in that Rock of Golgotha; there a procession of Armenians chants, and the singers prostrate themselves before a priest in a crown and another in a silver cape and black cowl; there is where he was imprisoned, in that dingy burned room; there is where he was buried, in that great shrine beneath the high dome, painted with stars and rays like the firmament, all Calvary carved away around it; and there are stranger crevices, burned black with soot from candles; and stranger processions from all over the globe: Italians and Spaniards, severe Muscovites, Indians chanting in Urdu, Nigerians in states of religious ecstasy.

What can you say to that place, five Stations of the Cross in such a line, the site chosen three centuries later by Queen Helena and the original church built by her son Constantine, Emperor of Rome? Of course it is not Authentic! But, it is Earnest, and a powerful conduit of the spirit of a persecuted religion of unmarked graves and secret meetings in the catacombs of Rome, a goal of Crusaders and Knights Templar, a wonder for the pilgrims of the earth. No wonder this is called the Center of the World! A city so over-pinned with dreams, it is like a dead insect on a mantle and under examination.

Our Christmas dinner was a travelers pot luck—Chinese noodles by Irene, and boiled potatoes, vegetables, and rice by Ibrahim and his honey—accompanied by tea and good company. Amelia and I had a bed downstairs in a long sitting room with four couches, all of them occupied—two Ecuadorians, a Quebecois, and Joshua the winemaker. There was a well-kept kitchen, a bathroom, a hallway that Japanese visitors kept disappearing into, and two bedrooms, one for a Born Again Orange County girl named Dawn, and the other for David and his wife Karmel.

The older couple happily received us in the kitchen and told us stories of the House and Ibrahim. David was a Jew and an Englishman and a medical psychiatrist and a whole lot of other things. He had a goatee to go with his frazzled gray hair, and the paunch that all old men are entitled to bear. He told us, in his soft, erudite voice, that “there are more poor Israelis here than there are poor Palestinians.” There have always been more Jews in Judea, and the Palestinian Arabs are Syrians and Jordans who flooded in after the creation of the State of Israel, before those two nations attacked Israel. “The truth is not what you think it may be,” said David. Obama had read his book and said, according to David, “That’s fine, I agree with everything you say, but—I have to remain President.”

The following day Amelia, Josh and I went back down to the Old Town and looked at the Austrian Hospice and climbed a fence onto the ramparts, which we followed from Lion’s Gate to Herod’s. We got lost in the warren of streets and received directions from a short woman who spoke like a newsreel during the Second World War. We had arranged to meet David and Karmel at Jaffa Gate at 2:30. Both our parties were late, and David’s included a pretty Moroccan woman named Jamila, who was volunteering at an agency for Palestinian settlements. Josh walked with her, Amelia with Karmel, and I with David, who strolled like an Englishman in a beret and red sweater, swinging a cane at his side, and talked about history and travel as he took us through the crowded streets of Jerusalem to Queen Helena’s Cistern under the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.

The Cistern was a rock cave with a deep pool, reached by stairs in the back of a small chapel, and dimly lit by electric lights and the well shaft of a cloister of the basilica. The curved walls and flat water echoed sound sacredly. Josh, who sang in a choir, set a sort of Gregorian chant from near where the stairs slipped into the water, and David sang “Come Bird of Paradise” and told us to listen close for its lyrical symbolism. Karmel asked us to sing something. “I can’t sing,” said Amelia, and I added that, “I’m also inept.” She ran us through a simple Hebrew La-e-la-a-ill-la-la.

A Brazilian man listened to our haunting songs from the stairway. “I heard that Brazilian women are very pretty,” David told him. “My son told me that, and my wife won’t let me go there. They’re supposed to be very pretty. So why are the men so plain looking?”

David took us to a Syriac Orthodox Church of Saint Mark in the Armenian Quarter that claims to be not only the first church but also the site of the Last Supper. The three black-robed priests were holding a service, chanting in Aramaic and waving censers before the altar, so David led us down some steps to the room where Jesus shared body and blood. It was a dingy space, and Jerusalem had risen above it on layers of construction. In the chapel, there was a famous Icon, which we viewed by candlelight, of the Virgin Mary, supposedly painted by Saint Luke. The historian evangelist did not know what the infant Christ looked like, so he painted Jesus as he knew him: a babe with the face of a man.

When the service had ended, a old nun, plump but active, came in to see us. Justina wore black clothes with a wrap on her hair and her sleeves rolled back. In twelve years overseeing the chapel, the ex-math teacher had witnessed five miracles—cures for cancer, the illumination of the dining room of the Last Supper—and one only a year ago. She told us the story:

“That day, I can’t forget it, a man from Russia, his job policeman in Tel Aviv, came to the Church for tour. No language between us. He spoke Russian, he spoke Hebrew. I speak English, I speak Aramaic. No language between us. For one hour I talk to him. I spoke English, he hears Hebrew. He speaks Hebrew, I hear English. For one hour, nothing strange between us. I thought he spoke English. He thought I spoke Hebrew. He says to me, ‘Justina, I feel peace in this place. I never felt it in any other part of Israel. I feel the Holy Spirit in this room.’”

Three months passed. The Russian man returned and spoke to Justina, but this time, she did not understand his Hebrew. The man got angry, but Justina could not ken the source of it. The priestess lit a candle and prayed before the Icon, asking Merciful God to send a translator. After ten minutes, a guide who she knew entered the chapel, who spoke English, Russian, and Hebrew. “I became happy,” said Justina, “because Alex translate between me and that man. I say, ‘Alex, My Lord sent you to me!’” Alex told her that his wife had a vision and demanded he take a taxi into town to see Justina. Another miracle!

The policeman told Alex how Justina had lectured him in Hebrew three months before. He was sure the old woman was trying to get rid of him by pretending not to understand. “At that moment,” Justina explained, “I feel power. Something put it in my brain. I understand what happened exactly.” The Lord had allowed her to speak to the Hebrews, his first children. “Glory to our God!” she exclaimed, and she waved her hands towards the sky.

After this epiphany, Justina went back to talk to Jesus through Saint Luke’s picture. “Why did you wait three months to show me the miracle? Why, why why?” She received an answer in “five days only.” A French professor, who had been there before, arrived and said he would translate for his companion, another Frenchman who spoke no English. The two Franks set at it, and Justina remembered that she had a book about the church in six languages, which would make an excellent addition to the professor’s library. On returning with the book, she heard the guide speaking in English! “Why you lie?” she said. “Why you say your friend no speak English?”

Then, as before, she realized what had happened, and to avoid appearing crazy, she “shuts up.” “I turn to Jesus and I say I am sorry, I will never ask you you must do something for me. Glory to our God!”

We thanked Justina for the story and went to a place called Miguel’s just inside the New Gate, owned by a Christian who served us plates of food and a fine Palestinian microbrew called Taybeh. David told stories to make us laugh. He talked about holistic remedies, and then said that he sometimes had prophecies or saw the spirits of the deceased around their surviving loved ones. On Amelia’s shoulders, he saw a shadow of grief. “There is some sadness in your past,” he said, “isn’t there?”

“Everyone says that,” she replied. I made a joke about seeing the spirit of my beer and got another Taybeh.

David and Karmel went to a lecture on medieval Muslim treatment of Jewish subjects, and Josh and Jamila to smoke cigarettes at the Wailing Wall; I walked off to the bus station with Amelia, still exhausted in the wake of a cold. Alone in the basement kitchen of the Peace House, she asked me, “So, do you believe it was a miracle?”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t disbelieve her,” said Amelia. “She may have experienced something, but I can’t believe in miracles until one happens to me.”

“Well, I believe her. The world’s a much more magical place if you can believe in miracles.”

Anything old, you want to see it, you must go down.
—Justina

Amelia’s eye infection was getting worse. What started in Cairo as a swelling of the right lid had now spread to the left, and the drops she got from the eye doctor in Amman had run dry.

David recommended the world-renowned Eye Hospital of St. John of Jerusalem, on Mount Scopus, and we took a bus there the next day. The doctors checked her vision and told her that some sort of eczema had blocked one of the tear ducts above her eye, which was swollen with oily tears (perhaps that is the specter of sorrow that David saw looming). They prescribed warm compresses and gentle massage, and a minor antibiotic gel for the infection.

The Order of St. John was originally a crusading order, also known as the Knights Hospitaller. They ran an institution of medicine on Rhodes, which doubled as a fortress against the infidel Turk, and was a steadfast thorn in the Sultan’s side. The Sultan tried but could not take the fortress of Rhodes, and so he concluded an agreement with the Christians that allowed them to leave with their swords and their dignity. The Knights sailed off to another island, became the Chevaliers of Malta, and renewed the fight against bacteria and Turks. The Eye Hospital of St. John of Jerusalem bears their noble crest, and signs of donations by the Knights Templar.

While Amelia and I were waiting in leather chairs in a sunlit hallway, for a doctor to print a receipt and certificate for Amelia to show to her travel insurance later, I said, “In the last two days we’ve seen knights and miracles. This is a pretty remarkable city.”

“Knights and miracles,” she repeated quietly.

Ibrahim brought to the table of the Peace House that night heaping plates of food cooked by his honey. There was buttered rice, tender chicken, mounds of vegetables in gravy, fresh bread, and tea with sage and mint. Our host shouted, “Welcome!” “Food!” “Eat!” and, “Thank you!” to everyone who passed by the open door of that merry room, and with words like those, made the world a better place.

He felt sorry for the capitalist way of life, those houses rich in possessions but poor in love—like Tom Waits sings, “A house where there’s love is a palace for sure.”

Poor, noble Ibrahim! His Peace House attracted some strange characters, the characters that travelers often talk of on their way out of the Holy Land, people with Jerusalem Syndrome who think they are Saints or Christ himself, and Ibrahim told us stories of some of them.

A man once stayed at the House who called himself Jesus. He was an American Jew and wore only a rice bag with holes cut in it. He stayed for twenty days, and every morning at 5:30 knocked on the door of Ibrahim’s apartment and said, “God has given me a new name. Call me this.” “Okay,” said the Arab. “I don’t care what you’re called.” One day the pilgrim said, “Ibrahim, God has asked me to move, and he wants you to give me a tent, a mattress, and a sleeping bag.” He took these items to the King David Hotel, where Presidents and Kings stay on visits to Israel, and set up a camp in the garden, and lit a fire, and left.

Ibrahim received a phone call. “Ibrahim, come down here or we will collect you.” The Arab raced to a taxi. Jesus had taken a stack of Ibrahim’s business cards with him and put them in the tent for the police to find. “Ibrahim,” they said, “What are you doing? You have houses all over town. You are welcome all over the world. Why do you pitch your tent here?” Ibrahim explained who it really was, and the police asked, “So what is his name?” “In twenty days he has twenty names. Which do you want?” “Well draw him.” “I couldn’t draw myself!”

A great many of Ibrahim’s guests, most of them Christians, attempt to convert the old Arab to their faith. He said he was Ibrahim, and Ibrahim would never change. And they fought, the Muslims, Christians, and Jews, and Ibrahim told us they should “Do what you want outside this home. Go kill each other outside this home.”

The Peace House set the stage for a clash of self-righteous egos, men who consider themselves holy by the mere fact of voluntary poverty and hardship. Those braggadocios and self-proclaimed messiahs spoke only in the first person, and had serrated conversations, looking for openings in the other guest’s holier-than-thou parables to tell a related tale about themselves and some spiritual conference they attended.

“We’re human beings who sometimes have spiritual experiences,” said Irene, the Maori woman who thought that her race was a lost tribe of Israel. “Nay!” spake the Bulgarian holy man, tangled beard on his chest, who was off on a three year walk to India, “We be spiritual beings, and sometimes we have human experiences!”

In truth, the pompous fools (who I called religious nutters and nutbags and nutjobs and worse things on most occasions) began to wear on Amelia and me. We retreated out into the sitting room to hover around the light of a laptop, or down into the basement where David and Karmel held court. Josh and Jamila were usually down there, and David told great stories around his kitchen table.

“This is a true story,” he began, standing over us like a king. “There was this old fisherman who sailed the waters of England, and I asked him, ‘Aren’t those seas rough?’ He told me, ‘Oh, yes, they are. The first time I was out, I went down below for dinner, and I was at the end of the long table, and the Captain, he looks down and says, “You going to eat that soup son?” and I says, “No,” so he says, “Well pass it up.” Well all the hands worked to pass up the bowl of soup, and the Captain eats it. I say, “Can you keep it down sir?” He says (patting his belly), “Well of course son.” “Good,” I says, “cause I couldn’t.”’”

Once David was walking with a group of pilgrims from London to Assisi, living entirely of what they could earn from begging, in emulation of the original Saint Francis. They would stand outside a cafe with wooden bowls for hours, until they had enough for a cup of coffee, and then go in and sit. When some rich Frenchman or Latin lady left an expensive sandwich half finished, David or one of his acolytes would ask for the leftovers. They received support in some places and even met Mother Theresa on the road through the Alps. However, it was hard yakka, as the Aussies say, slow and hungry work, and David got fed up.

“And I’m a Jew,” he said, “and we Jews talk to God, so I said, ‘Saint Francis, won’t you send us any help?’”

Following this outburst, a mangy dog appeared in the road from around the hedge row. It had no collar and would not be chased off, but followed the company doggedly, exemplifying all the “sagacious kindness,” to use Melville’s phrase, that canines can possess. The dog set point a few meters ahead of the band, begged with them, shared their privations, and would not be parted from David. It whined outside his window and put its head on his knee. David, being a sentimental man, developed an affection for his dog. He named it Leo, after Francis’ own constant companion, and found himself tugging sandwiches out of the hands of zealous waiters so the mut could eat.

One day, just up the road from Assisi, Leo scouted up ahead. From that direction there came the horrible, alarming noise of squealing tires. David ran up ahead. The dog was vanished. The Jew looked everywhere. He waded through the ditches and pushed out into the thickets, calling, “Leo! Leo!” but saw no sign of his dog. It reduced him to tears, and he never knew what happened to the animal.

In Assisi, a priest of the Church met their group. He said, “Go to the hotel and get a room. Don’t worry about a thing, I’ll pay for it. And you look hungry. Go to the restaurant and order as much as you want. I’ll pay for it all.”

David had an interesting biography. He lived in the West Bank until some of his friends received calls from Hamas: “If you let that Jew into your house again, we will blow it up with you inside.” Some of his genius progeny forced him to move, and he and Karmel had set up a sort of Japanese garden as a meditative retreat in Turkish Cyprus. As a medical psychologist, he developed a new field: Psychoneuroimmunology, preventing cancer by preventing the neurological shock of depression and disillusionment. He was like a faith healer, and trusted alternative medicine in concert with the practices of his mentor. He had told off the Prince of Wales and knew the Dhalai Lama and the President of America. He had survived an attempted poisoning by Kashmiri separatists.

David believed that old guru saying that there are many paths to one Truth. Under the name Baba Dovid, he wrote a book of New Age teachings called The Leaves From the Tree of Life. He gave a copy of this to Amelia and to me before we parted ways, along with copies of a pamphlet called “The Universalist” and an article about himself from Healing Today, titled, “Son of Nostradamus, Mystic Prophet of our Time.” As a journalist, I feel obliged to quote it.

“Like Nostradamus,” writes Anna Betz and Colin Vernon, David is a Jew. “Though recognized as a Jewish mysic, he is a Master of the occult with links to numerous esoteric groups world-wide. Known to the Sufis as ‘Shaykh Dawwud Ysuf al-Haqqani’; and to the Sikhs and Hindus of Northern India as ‘Babaji’; he has been recognised as a ‘Teacher’ by Buddhists, is a ‘priest of Isis’ and on the death of the chief Druid of Cornwall, was offered his robes by the widow.”

“Like Nostradamus,” the repetitious article continues, “he has made many predictions which have been fulfilled; Israel’s invasion of Lebanon; the Gulf war; the dismantling of the Berlin wall. His prediction of a loss of a royal partner was fulfilled in the tragic death of Princess Diana, written in a letter to Prince Charles, three years before it occurred.” The abilities come “through him” and “not from him,” says the humble prophet. The authors continue that if you should ever meet Baba Dovid, “you will not doubt that the spirit of Nostradamus is still very much alive.”

On Monday Amelia and I went off to Bethlehem, on the other side of the Wall in the West Bank. The festivities around Christmas had ended. The police were stacking up their metal barricades and the garbagemen piling the refuse of ten thousand pilgrims. Through the souq we came to the Square of the Manger before the great church. Alleyways spoked off with other holy sites for the various faith, including the Church of the Lactation, where a drop of Mary’s sacred breast milk had splashed on the rock of a cave and turned to venerated powder.

The Basilica of the Nativity was a small thing over the grottoes where Jesus Christ is said to have been birthed. The marble square and silver star that a line of Nigerians prostrated themselves before failed to impress Amelia. “I thought he was born in a manger!” she said. “What’s with the marble?” There was a little manger on the other side of the cave, with a plastic Jesus nestled inside it, and the whole town was a cottage complex of woodcarvers who dealt Nativity scenes in olive, the same wood as the Cross to which that babe would be nailed.

The Return Journey

I wore my boots out walkin’,
Poured my heart out talkin’,
I felt the pain and I broke the chain,
But I still got a long way to go.

Been on the road ‘til tomorrow,
Been through the joys and the sorrows,
Came through the flood,
And I pulled through the mud,
But I still got a long way to go.

—Railroad Earth

So we sat on a train back to the filth and ochre splendor of Cairo. We were afraid, since Denniz on his trip north had sat in a seat full of bedbugs that left 200 marks on his ass, and we were cold, since the Egyptians blast air conditioning all times of the year and all hours of the day. I had on my new jeans, long-legged to fit the Nubians of Aswan, and slightly flared at the bottoms, as was the local style—and had discarded those denim cut-offs that served me from the second-hand store in Varna all the way to the border of Sudan. Alas, and farewell!

Sven, Amelia, and I intended to go on from Cairo to the Siwa Oasis, where Alexander was confirmed into godhood. The picturesque palm groves and pools of Siwa border the Great Sand Sea of Libya. They are rarely visited, and the people, a mostly Berber blend, with a high proportion of hermaphrodites resulting from the magnesium present in the springs, are kind and welcoming.

Old Skip, the Reader will recall, had considered opening a backpacker’s hostel there, a quiet place to replace the hectic one he sold in Surfer’s Paradise, Australia. He stayed a month in November, testing the mineral waters and the sandy waves, as it were, and then flew to Los Angeles to pick up a large 1950’s bus with a shaggy 70s décor, which he intended to fix up and drive around America; however, he was dissuaded from this by greedy LA and the insensate American mentality. He sold the bus back to its owner and flew back to relaxing Egypt, a much better sheath for his sword.

I recently had received a message from Skip that he was on his way back to Siwa, but when he instead decided to spent another month on the Red Sea in Nuweiba, and given our general lack of motivation for such a long journey, Amelia and I decided to stay in Cairo for those days we had left in Egypt. We stayed at the Ismailia House, visited our old haunts, watched movies on the hotel’s television (I remember Amelia shushing Sven and I during King Arthur when we went on talking about the Dark Age wars of Angles and Saxons during the scenes of Clive Owen’s romance, though as usual the Egyptians had cut out all the kissing), and met a new cast of characters.

There were energetic bands from Korea and Japan, who kept to themselves for the most part, and Rob, a traveler from Perth, and Kyle, an American who had ridden his bike from Singapore, through the belt of the Himalayas, up out of Pakistan into the Tartar steppe around Iran, and then down through the Caucasus into the Levant and Egypt. These were the last legs of his trip.

While Kyle bought cardboard boxes to package his bike, so he could take it on the plane, we went with Rob of Perth to the City of the Dead, still very much alive. Fifty-thousand Cairenes built homes out of the crumbling yards of tombs in the city’s northern cemetery, under the degraded beehive domes of sepulchral mosques. Only the new bits tacked onto the old, like bits of tape on an old book, looked clean. Those who haunted the place invested themselves in cafes and tired shops and watched us walk through.

Kyle was a Georgian by birth, though the cold and wild breadth of Alaska had made itself his home. From Anchorage he flew out to remote locations, landing planes on glaciers or lakes. One in five Alaskans has a pilot’s license, and one in twenty a plane. He had watched the Aurora Borealis, “God’s paintbrush.” He had seen the Magic Bus of Christopher McCandless and the salmon migration and grizzly bears. But he was born in Georgia and lived there until he turned 19. An absurd incident colored his leave taking. At a concert he was arrested with five kilograms of mushrooms he harvested himself, after selling a handful to an undercover officer for $5.

He made his phone call from jail. “It’s okay,” said his father to the youngest son, who had never been caught doing anything wrong. “You messed up. It’ll be good to spend one night there, thinking about what you did. I’ll get you out tomorrow.” The next day, having talked to a lawyer, Dad said, “Alright you really messed up, but we’ll get you out of there in a few days.” The prosecution had three felonies on Kyle: Possession, Intent to Distribute, and Sale of Illegal Drugs. A week went by, then two, and Kyle’s father grew more desperate. “We’re trying to get you out of there. We want you to come home.”

Kyle had to spend that whole month in jail, without option for bail. Drug laws in Georgia are strict. He waited three months for a trial. A possible sentencing of five years jail time loomed like a guillotine over his head, but he pleaded guilty in exchange for two months in jail, five years probation, and a clean record following a clean probation. He was one of four white people in his jail, segregated from the rest of the 500 inmates, and his neighbor was a murderer.

“That set me straight, though,” said Kyle, as he told us his story over koshary and ful sandwiches in Felfela. “I was a undisciplined before, a little rowdy and wild. But when I came out I was so much more mature, and focused. I had been locked up, and now I knew what freedom and comfort were. I knew I had to work hard and stay straight.”

Kyle left for Anchorage the following day, and Sven for Siwa on the day after. The East German would see as much as he could before flying home on Christmas Day. I took a short trip the day after to see Alexandria. That ancient port languished under a sluggish smoke. The day was cold, and a wind blew dust and scattered refuse about the air. I walked up past the Roman ruins that stood out like scars among the grimy new neighborhoods to the custard sea, and followed the coast around to see the west and east harbors. The new Library of Alexandria was a structure like a dormant spaceship, and everything looked colonial and dim. But it was Alexander’s city, and that mere fact made it a wonder to me.

Egypt has a terrorist problem, or at least advertises one on television. We saw two commercials, in all that time watching the tube, warning people of the dangers of militants.

One began with a gift: money paid to a barber. The trimmer of hair, unaware of his role as a cutter of heads, passed on his tip to a shopkeeper, who took those same pound notes on to a blue-collared teacher in his classroom. The teacher took the money and passed through rows of starry-eyed young pupils at their desks and notepads, and down a ladder secreted beneath the bookshelf and the posters of the periodic table of elements and the water cycle, into a dusty subterranean lair, where masked figures fingered their Kalishnakovs during a break in the jihad. They accepted the paid-forward donative with zealous gratitude. Red words slammed into the blackened screen and dripped blood!

The second showed children in a brown and tan Arab street. The dirt road steamed dust and hazed over with heat like a fire. The kids stood there with footballs or bicycles at the ready, and contemptuous, pitiable looks. The ad cut to a posse of jihadists, kefiyes pulled over their mouths to hide distinguishing features. They were a mob of indistinct killers, faceless martyrs, unmarked graves with Kalishnakovs and rockets. And then the bicycle was upturned, and its wheel spun idly. The blood red letters, they bleed like old scars torn open by too much scratching! The wounds will never heal.

Our plan for Christmas was this: We would go to Israel via the King Hussein Bridge in Jordan, thereby avoiding the black mark of the passport stamp, and come to Bethlehem, to stay with someone Denniz knew from CouchSurfing. Then we would go to Tel Aviv and stay with Denniz’s friend Rachel for New Years. There was plenty to see along the coast and in the West Bank, and though the country was pricy, we would avoid the brunt of it by surfing couches.

On Thursday, six days after returning to Cairo, we left for Dahab. We packed up the night before. My bag was much lighter, as I had mailed home the tablecloth I bought in Damascus, a few gifts, and a great bronze shisha, which I bought from a salesman recommended by Yashar. The Iranian-Canadian had gone to the place two days in a row and slowly bargained the price down to something reasonable. I went in with a card Yashar gave me and in five minutes had arranged to get the same deal.

Both Amelia and I slept through our alarms that morning, but a nightmarish groan from a Japanese man in my dorm room woke me up a half hour later, at 6:45. Somehow we made it onto the 7:15 direct service to Dahab at the very last second. It felt good to come back to that warm and forgetful place. We checked back into Seven Heaven and shook hands with the proprietor, Samir, and all the staff who remembered us. Richie the Tae Kwon Do black belt, Maria the Danish diver, Saori the Japanese student, and Ahmed the optometrist. The touts and hawkers recognized us in the street, and at Friends cafe, we were welcomed back with a shisha on the house.

None of it lasts, however. Richie was leaving that night, along with an eager young American couple from Colorado. The Kiwi would go back to Liepzig, though he hated his job there. He said he would be back, but Maria did not believe it. “I hate goodbyes,” huffed Maria, a bottle of red wine in her hand. “That’s the bad thing—people are leaving all the time. I don’t like it. People leave after five days. I made a rule. If people aren’t staying more than a week, don’t get to know them. Not that it works.”

We had a clothes line outside our bungalow, and I considered doing laundry. “Yeah,” I said, “I need to wash my jeans. I still haven’t washed them at all.” But Amelia told me, “You don’t need to wash them.” I protested that “I’ve been wearing them for like a week.” “Denim is better when you don’t wash it. I haven’t washed my jeans since… Hungary.” “Oh.” Cleanliness is a strange state of mind, dependent on circumstance. In the woods, an occasional dip in the lake is sufficient. In the cold, a shower is a horror. The city requires a daily scalding.

Wednesday had been a windy one in Cairo. All that turbulence kicked up the seedy rot that lined the streets, which gave Amelia an eye infection to match her cold. This perked up in Dahab. Her right eyelid puffed out to the size of a pomegranate. Pharmacists, the clinic doctor, and Seven Heaven’s optometrist dive master Ahmed all gave different diagnoses, but Amelia trusted that of the latter. Every four hours she applied some antiviral cream he had recommended directly into her eye.

Meanwhile, she wore sunglasses when we walked around, like some victim of domestic abuse. We again ran into the Bedouin girl who had sold us our bracelets, braided Amelia’s hair, and threatened to knife Jean. She sat down next to us and took note of Amelia’s pustule. “Husband hurt you?” asked the girl. “Put ice on it. You go to doctor. Doctor better.”

Three days in that sunny haven. We sent out dozens of CouchSurfing requests to Bethlehem and Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, hoping for a last minute host in that desperate season—or else risking the manger! Denniz’s contact in Bethlehem was renting out his home, and Rachel already had a Polish group staying on her floor for New Years. Dismayed and antisocial, we retreated into our cheap little bungalow and watched movies.

My netbook had a sparse hard drive, but it was enough to hold a few digitized films. From Aussie Steve, way back in Aleppo, I got Wall-E, Pineapple Express, The Castle, and The Hangover; from Yui of Japan, the Miyazaki animations My Neighbor Totoro and Princess Mononoke, and the Korean films Joint Security Area and Memories of Murder; and from the Seven Heaven Internet cafe, where downloaded movies languish, we found Man of the Year, Heat, Taken, Ong-Bak, Ong-Bak 2, Pixar’s Up, and most of the first season of True Blood, to which we addicted ourselves.

We watched Up while waiting for the ferry in Nuweiba. It left an hour late and arrived in Aqaba at seven, though luck propelled us through the obnoxious touts and got us a spot on a late bus to the capital.

Amman was colder and quieter than we remembered. The familiar hotels had no vacancies, so we checked into one called the Cliff Hotel. The kindly old proprietor showed us our room, and after a quick visit to Hashem’s across the street, we passed out. Suffering from the exhaustion of travel, we did not leave the hotel until after 1 the next day, and then returned immediately to Hashem’s.

Hashem’s Restaurant, as a world famous institution of street food, deserves more attention than I gave it here. The complex of street stalls takes up an entire alley. One cove fries felafels for sandwiches, one brews tea, and the largest makes dips and sauces. Waiters in red moved between the stalls and the tables set up between them, with trays of tea or plates of ful and hummus, doused in olive oil and sprinkled with chickpeas and a kind of salsa. They serve bowls full of hot felafels, stacks of fresh bread, with plates of tomato, onion, and mint to compliment the rest.

Coming so quickly from the overcrowded poverty of Cairo staggered us with the Jordanian affluence, like jumping from hot water into cold. We could not tell whether Amman had changed, or if it was only our perceptions that had changed. Urban Ammanites wore suits and western fashions, and the street stalls sold thick socks, gloves, hats, and scarves. All day, between calls to prayer, a mullah chanted Qur’anic verses unceasingly, insistently, as if reminding his nation of Mohammed’s humility by quoting the Prophet’s verse.

That was December 22, and we hoped to be in Bethlehem on the following day, although we had only a tenuous idea of where we would be sleeping. A quick stomach bug delayed our departure, but on Christmas Eve we emptied our bag of anything conspicuous, rehearsed our answers to the guards’ questions, and departed from Amman for the border of the Holy Land.

So friends and travelers; so gamblers and robbers, drinkers and jokers; so soul-searchers: Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.